On April 26th, parishioner Michelle Saslow hosted a “Mother’s Tea” for 13 other parishioners, most of whom had experienced the loss of a son or daughter. Denise Stetson was among the guests who had lost a son, some 18 months earlier. She was encouraged to share her story, reflecting on both sudden and inexplicable grief and the grateful support from Christ the King parishioners. What follows is her recollection of that experience.
On the evening of October 21, 2024, my husband, Peter, and I were watching Jeopardy when we got a phone call from our son’s girlfriend, Jamie. She was sobbing and told us that Lee had collapsed while playing soccer. While driving to Kent County hospital, a Warwick policeman called me as “next of kin” so it was no surprise when we saw Lee lifeless in the ER. A young doctor told us they were going to turn off the CPR machine, check for a pulse, then turn it back on for a minute. After that very long minute, they declared the official time of death.
At this point I was just numb. The next hours and days were full of things to do and people to contact, but we were blessed with so much help. Jamie’s mom contacted the high school principal where he taught Spanish and coached JV basketball. We called friends and relatives; the organ donor people called us. His roommate recruited pall bearers. His friend who owns a florist shop volunteered to take care of the flowers.
Next, were the funeral home to make the arrangements and Christ the King to talk to Jen Marran. Jen sat down with me, Peter and Jamie. In my head, I had been thinking about what I might want for my own funeral, never thinking it would be my only child’s funeral. Jen helped us choose songs for each part of the Mass: what readings we preferred and who would do them; and other Mass details like bringing up the gifts. She told me that, if we wanted, the parish would take care of a reception in the hall. I said yes.
I cannot express my gratitude to the people that put together the reception. At a time when my mental and emotional bandwidth just couldn’t handle any more decisions, the people at Christ the King stepped in and did it all. The hall had been set up with dining tables and Fr Jared told the congregation (at a very crowded Mass) that we were going to bury Lee nearby and would be back in a half hour, so they could wait for us in the hall.
When we got back, food was put out and people had a wonderful buffet meal made by angels hovering in the kitchen taking care of us. It was amazing that they arranged this without even knowing how many people would be there! A PA system had been set up at our request, and friends and relatives were able to speak about Lee. After we all left, these same folks cleaned up and put away tables and chairs. And there was no fee. They do this because it is how people take care of each other.
At the lowest time of my life, the gracious care of our parishioners was such a blessing, and I am so grateful. With so much else swirling around to do, I did not have to worry about arranging a reception after the funeral, picking out and reserving a place, deciding on a menu, or traveling someplace for yet another death duty. If you are ever in the unfortunate position of having to decide on arranging your own after-funeral meal or receiving a bit of help, from my experience I would not hesitate to recommend leaning on our wonderful parish to do the cooking and cleaning. Sometimes that’s just what we need.
Denise and Peter have been Christ the King parishioners for some 35 years. This weekend, Mass intentions included prayers for Lee. May 16th is also Lee’s 45th birthday.